Do you ever wonder what might have happened if you followed a different path after having children? Having to take time off work this week has caused me to reflect on what our lives might be like if I hadn’t chosen to return to work.

I have two children and I really enjoy my job but my little boy has had all manner of bouts of illness, normally either ear infections or tonsillitis, this has meant that on these occasions I’ve had to take time off work to look after him. When I’m off I always feel so guilty, guilty that I’m letting everyone at work down, and guilty that he’s probably run down because he goes to nursery every day and guilty that I’m half wishing him better so I can rush back to work so I can stop feeling guilty!

If I didn’t work we wouldn’t be able to afford most of the nice things we do like my daughters dance classes and my son’s football but they would have me, is that a better substitution?

Over the past couple of days all we have done is cuddle on the sofa but this morning I think he’s starting to feel better, we have made some lego and he surprised me with a little picture he drew, which I didn’t even know he could do! I am cherishing today because I know we will both be back to rushing out of the door tomorrow at 7.30 as usual.

Having said all that, if I didn’t work, would we get bored of each other’s company? Would I crave the adult conversation and need more stimulus, would he be better off in a learning environment socialising with other children?

I feel like I work for the right reasons…i think. I just hope one day he doesn’t tell me he wished I stayed at home, or one day I might wish I did.

Right now i feel jealous of those Mummies who get to play with their children on a weekday morning or visit a baby group, but maybe they’re jealous of me.

I guess theres no wrong or right, we just need to find a balance.

Is there anyone else feeling the same?

“Who are YOU?” said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation.

Alice replied, rather shyly, “I–I hardly know, sir, just at present– at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.”